Tony and the Good News

Tony was the largest boy in my fifth grade class and was beginning to pose

a bit of a dilemma

for the principles of Santa Rita Elementary School.

He had been the largest boy in my brother's fifth grade class the year before

and perhaps my father's before

and he was threatening

oh so threatening

to be the largest boy in fifth grade classes for many years to come

were it not for the teachers

who had begun to lose their patients

and the school nurse who had fled long ago.

When I was assigned to Tony

he would lean back in his chair-and-a-desk all built into one in the back of the room

strategically located next to my chair-and-a-desk all built into one

as if we simply shared the same office suite

way back in the very back of the room

where no one else could see us unless they really wanted to and weren't afraid look way back

by the coat racks and cubby holes where Tony would forage through brown bag lunches like a bear at camp Redwood Glen.

And Tony would lean back

balancing on the two hind legs of his trusty chair-and-a-desk all built into one

playing with himself to pass the time

occasionally demonstrating newly discovered

lap tricks

at least they seemed new enough to me

O Tony

see me

underbelly of the playground set

surely you are Darwin's living proof

Tell me again the part about how everything happens for the best

in this best of all possible worlds

and remind me how special I am

It's been a such long time since I dreamt

of being a hero

and sometimes

I forget what it's like

Do you remember when Dad left us and came back as a butterfly?

Sometimes I forget how to pray

and then I see that larger-than-life man

with those little tiny wings

and I laugh

and everything comes back to me.

You, my precious child, need not apologize

for who you are

will never change

though I begin to sense

your love for yourself

has yet to bloom